


Not Every (No Good, Rotten, Very Bad) Day

by shipskicksandgiggles



Series: Midnight Milkshakes [13]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bad Days, Captain America Sam Wilson, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Look Alikes, M/M, Meeting Your Heroes, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker isn't Spider-Man, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, just go with it, tony stark is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 11:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30122166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipskicksandgiggles/pseuds/shipskicksandgiggles
Summary: Harley was having a no good, rotten, very bad day.“If one more person tells me I look like Captain America, I’m going to lose my shit.”
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Tony Stark & Sam Wilson
Series: Midnight Milkshakes [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635325
Comments: 9
Kudos: 148





	Not Every (No Good, Rotten, Very Bad) Day

**Author's Note:**

> I had a thought like a week ago and just. cried about it until I realized I could make it into a fic

Harley was having a no good, rotten, very bad day. Thank god Peter was meeting him for coffee because he was going to scream, and Peter always seemed to get it. 

So obviously when someone bumped into him in line, he just assumed it was Peter without even looking. 

“If one more person tells me I look like Captain America, I’m going to lose my shit.”

The guy, to his credit, did not seem horribly alarmed that a stranger was talking to him. He looked up from his phone to stare at Harley through a pair of wide rimmed glasses. “I’m sorry?”

No Good. 

Rotten. 

Very Bad Day.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

The guy laughed. “That’s okay. I am curious though, is it an insult to be told you look like Captain America?”

He groaned. “It is when Captain America is a black man and you’re the kind of white that sunburns in the winter! I mean, come on. Captain Rogers passed on the shield over a year ago now, and people still aren’t recognizing Sam Wilson as The Captain America. If someone told me I looked like Steve Rogers, I’d be fine with it, don’t get me wrong. Most any somewhat attractive white guy with blonde hair who goes to the gym a few times a week has the capacity to look like him. Hell, you probably know what I’m talking about.” He gave the guy a once over. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if it happened to you more than me. Take away the glasses, and you’d probably have the superhero look, although given how tall you are I could see more people calling you Thor.” 

The man looked down at himself, as if just noticing his own appearance. “I guess I can see where you’re coming from, but that doesn’t exactly happen to me.”

“Consider yourself lucky then. Look, I’m sorry to unload all this on you, but I was under the impression that racism was _better_ north of the Mason Dixon Line. But _no,_ instead of being outright racist, people up here are just completely ignorant of their own biases and how their language affects people of color. God.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” He paused while Harley ordered his coffee. Iced with vanilla syrup for himself, and a tea for Peter. “Honestly, my partner would probably have more to say than I do, but you’re definitely not wrong about any of that.”

Harley smiled. “Thanks man, that means a lot.”

Before he could pay for the drinks, the man stopped him. “Put it on my tab,” he told the barista. Then before Harley could protest: “More people should think like you, son. It’s no trouble.”

He didn’t know how to respond, so he mumbled out his thanks and stood off to the side to wait for his order. Maybe some people weren’t so bad. The guy waved to him before he went and sat down at his own table, and Harley settled in to wait for Peter. 

And there was his darling boyfriend now. 

“What did I miss?” 

Harley let out a long-suffering sigh. 

“That bad, huh?”

He nodded. 

“Need to go on another rant about Captain America?”

God, he knew him so well. “I got it out of my system already, I’m just tired.”

Peter looked at him in surprise. “How did you manage to get it out of your system already? I haven’t seen you since you left the apartment this morning. Don’t tell me you vented to a complete stranger about it.”

Harley didn’t say anything. 

“Oh my god, you vented to a complete stranger about it.”

“In my defense, I thought you were standing next to me. Plus he actually _agreed,_ so it wasn’t like it was a total loss.”

“Only you, Harles,” Peter shook his head. “Can’t take you anywhere, can I? Alright, out with it then. Where’d you run into the poor bastard?”

“In line to get coffee.”

_“Here?”_

“Yeah, I think he’s sitting at a table near the back. Nice guy.”

Peter glanced around the shop. “What’s he look like?”

“Big and blonde and vaguely hipster. Probably has my problem worse than I do, but people are scared of the muscles.”

“Shit babe, you’re lucky he didn’t crush you for talking to him.”

“Given my day, I wouldn’t have been terribly upset by that outcome.”

“Harley!” Peter admonished. 

He threw up his hands in surrender. “I’m sick of it! I don’t care if people don’t mean to be racist, it still is and I’m fucking sick of it!”

“I know babe, I know you are.”

The bell above the door jingled when someone came in, but beyond being confused when someone raced past their table, they gave it no attention. 

“How was the job interview?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “The company values suck, but the paycheck would be so much nicer than the wages I get from the bodega.”

“Any word on that internship from Stark Industries?”

He groaned. “They told me it was likely that I wouldn’t hear anything until next week, and I still don’t know what the pay scale is gonna look like or who I would be working under. The fact that it’s a _paid_ internship is fantastic, but there’s so much that’s up in the air. Hell, who knows if I’ll even get it.”

“You will,” Harley assured him. “They’d be stupid to not hire you.”

“Whatever you say, babe.”  
  
“Excuse me?” The man Harley had spoken to in line walked up to their table. “I don’t mean to intrude, but-” he motioned behind him “-I was on the phone with my partner when you started talking to me, and he heard what you said.”

Another man stepped forward. Harley took him in. He was almost as tall as the first guy, with dark skin and a similar authoritative stance as the man he was standing next to. Honestly, if Harley wasn’t mistaken- “Holy shit you’re Captain America.”

Sam Wilson _(Captain America!!!_ his brain helpfully supplied) laughed. “Sure am.”

“Holy fuck I complained about being told I look like Steve Rogers to _the Steve Rogers,”_ he said, completely mortified. Peter looked like he was about to die of holding in his laughter. 

Rogers chuckled. “Can’t say that’s ever happened before.”

“Well I, for one, thought it was hilarious,” Wilson added helpfully. “It’s not everyday you get to hear people complain about the racism behind Captain America’s image while dissing the original copy.”

This wasn’t real. There was no way in hell this was happening. “Did I die?” he turned and asked Peter. “Be honest, am I dead?”

“If you are, would this be heaven or hell?” Peter asked. 

_“What the fuck?”_ he breathed. 

“We’re sorry to ambush you like this-” and he really did look apologetic “-but everything you said, it meant a lot to me. It’s hard still being stuck in this guy’s shadow most days, and to hear someone so loudly recognize and shame the reasons behind it-” he choked up, and Rogers rubbed his back. 

Harley stood up before he realized what he was doing and grasped his hand. “You’re a hero, Captain Wilson. You’re _my_ hero, and everything I told Captain Rogers is true: the fact that people don’t see you for who you are and for what you and your mantel stand for is unfair and completely contradictory of everything that America is supposed to stand for.”

And then he was being hugged. By Captain America. 

This couldn’t possibly be real life. 

“Wilson, you can’t just run off like that!” A new voice jutted in. “Jesus Christ, you took off like a bat outta hell. I had to check to make sure there weren’t aliens trying to take over Midtown again!”

He heard Peter let out a gasp. 

Captain Wilson let him go in favor of turning to speak to the new person. “Sorry Tones, I needed to come down here and meet the kid that told Steve to his face that I was the only Captain America.”

And then Harley was being faced with a mildly ticked off Tony Stark. 

Yeah, no, there was no way he was alive anymore.

“You told Steve Rogers what?”

“That… Sam Wilson… is the one and only Captain America?” 

Harley was going to die, he was sure of it. Iron Man was going to kill him. 

He… did not die. Instead, Stark let out an ungodly snort. “Kid, that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. You’re absolutely correct. What’s your name? Do you need a job? Because I will hire you to follow Steve around and say that while occasionally yelling positivity at Wilson.”

“My name is Harley? I don’t-”

“Is that a question or a statement? Spit it out, kiddo.”

“Tony,” Rogers gave him an exasperated sigh. 

“Oh my god.” Peter’s face had gone pale, and Harley would have been worried he was about to pass out had he not had the same concerns for himself.

Stark turned his attention to Peter. “You look familiar. Do I know you?”

“I don’t believe so, sir.”

“Are you sure? I swear-” he snapped his fingers. “Pepper put your job application on my desk yesterday. Parker, right?”

“I’m- yes, sir. I’m Peter Parker.” He shook his hand. “Wait, my job application?”

“I’ve been looking for a personal intern, and the hiring committee liked your stuff. They referred you to me. Actually, I was gonna call you later on, but you’re hired if you want the job.”

Peter blinked once. Twice. Opened his mouth. Closed it again. Took a deep breath. “I’m gonna scream. That’s it, this is my breaking point.” He turned and looked at Harley. “Do you see what you’ve done? I’m gonna die and it’s all your fault because you can’t keep your goddamn mouth shut.”

Harley wheezed so violently that he was forced to sit down. 

“I’m sorry, do you not want the job?” Stark asked. 

Peter broke out into a grin. “Of course I want the job! Mr. Stark, it would be a literal honor to work with you. I’m just sorry this is how we had to meet.”

“Call me Tony, kid. And meeting you this way has already given me so much more faith in you than any stuffy interview process ever would’ve. I’ll have HR email you the entry paperwork and you can start next week if that’s alright.”

“It’s more than alright,” Peter told him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make a phone call.” He shot Harley one last glare before grabbing his phone and walking outside. 

The door closed behind him, and Harley watched as he looked up at the sky and screamed. No one even questioned it as they walked past. God bless New York. 

Tony promptly took up residence in the chair Peter vacated, and the other men dragged up a couple more chairs. 

“We’re sorry we ambushed your date,” Wilson said. “I hope he’s okay.”

Harley took a shuddery breath. “I think we’re both a little overwhelmed. It’s not every day you meet your heroes.”

“Ah, c’mon, we’re just people.” The other two stared at Rogers dubiously. “Okay so they’re people. I had a little bit of help.”

Wilson rolled his eyes. “Dumbass.”

Tony leaned over to smack Rogers upside the head. “I don’t know why we keep you around,” he said. Then he turned back to Harley. “I’m only about half-joking when I say I’ll hire you to spit that rhetoric on repeat all the time, by the way.”

Harley laughed. “Unfortunately for the Original Copy over here, I do have a job already, but thanks for the offer.”

Rogers sent a withering glare Tony’s way. “What do you do, then?” he asked Harley. 

“I’m a mechanic.”

Tony hummed appreciatively. “I approve. You work at a garage?”

“Training to take it over, actually. Kings in Queens.”

“Now why do I know that name?” The billionaire seemed to search his memory banks for something. “My driver takes his cars to you!”

“You don’t fix them yourself?” Harley asked, surprised by that bit of information. Sure, he’d fixed some cars that were definitely worth more than his life before, but one of Tony Stark’s? 

He shook his head. Before he could answer as to why, Wilson piped back up. 

“Do you want to tell him how you try to put hover rockets on everything? Or should I.”

“Hover rockets?” What he would give to get his hands on those… 

“I don’t see what your issue is, Wings.”

“The wings _are_ the issue, Tones. I don’t need rockets, and neither do your cars.”

“But they’re so much fun!”

Then Wilson got a mischievous look in his eye. 

“Sam,” Rogers sighed. 

“Maybe Barnes would like a set in his arm. Then we wouldn’t have to carry him everywhere.”

Tony’s eyes went wide as he started tapping something out on his phone. “Yeah. Yeah. That’ll work.” He didn’t even say ‘Goodbye’ before he was walking back out the door. 

He did clap Peter on the shoulder and remind him to check his email though. Harley wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating or not. 

“We’re gonna have to go save him from himself, huh?” Wilson said, staring in the direction he’d gone. 

“And save Bucky from being launched into orbit.” Rogers sighed again. He turned back to Harley and Peter. “It was great to meet you kids.”

Wilson nodded with him. “And hopefully we see you around. If you’re going to be around the Tower, I imagine we’ll run into each other now and again. Just try and keep Tones from blowing more shit up.”

“Knowing him, he’s only gonna make the problem worse,” Harley told him. Peter started to protest, but Harley wasn’t having it. “I’m not lying to Captain America, Peter. You’re a disaster.”

He squawked. 

“As much as I love how insistent you are about calling me Cap, everyone else calls me Sam,” Cap- no, sorry _Sam-_ said. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Rogers said. “If you’re gonna be around though, you might as well call us by our actual names.”

Peter smiled. “Sure. Are you around the Tower a lot?”

“Most of us are when we’re not on missions,” Sam said. “It’s chaos. You’re gonna love it.”

“I’m sure I’d love it no matter what.”

Steve let out a loud groan when he got a text notification. “Bucky’s playing hide-and-go-seek to get away from Tony. We should probably go handle that.”

“Chaos. Pure chaos,” Sam muttered. “Seriously, great to meet you both!” he shouted as he ran out the door with Steve in tow. 

They sat in silence for a few moments after they left. 

“That… that just happened right?” Harley asked. 

Peter just nodded mutely.

~~~

He thought that would be the end of it. Peter got the paperwork for his new job and was going to be working with Tony Stark five days a week. 

Harley was honestly just happy he could say he met some of his idols. 

And then obviously Black Widow (“Call me Nat,” she’d said before handing him the keys) rode a motorcycle into his garage and took a video of him fixing the issue. 

Moments later, he was talking engines with Tony Stark over video call. 

Becoming the official civilian mechanic for the Avengers wasn’t exactly on his list of things to do, but he wasn’t going to complain. 

**Author's Note:**

> the thought was "Captain Wilson" btw. in case you were wondering.  
> also I wanted to get this published before tfatws came out which I did! so yay
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/playboyphilanthro-pissed)


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